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Not LSAT related but we are all future professionals and some of us come from class so.....

combsnicombsni Member
edited January 2017 in General 652 karma
I am getting ready to propose to my girlfriend within the next few months,because she would like to get married BEFORE she graduates dental school and I have a really big question! Should I ask for her father's blessing / how should I notify him of my plans? My mother comes from old money but she she will just tell me whatever I want to hear, my girlfriend is against asking for permission , and my friends are yes men. I wasn't sure of our future because I didn't know where I was going to law school but my score will allow me to go just about anywhere so now is the time. Any way, what should I do?

Comments

  • DumbHollywoodActorDumbHollywoodActor Alum Inactive ⭐
    7468 karma
    If you're gonna do it, make sure you ask the mom too. Because equality.
  • Wind-Up BirdWind-Up Bird Alum Member
    284 karma
    Haha I'm in a pretty similar situation... Girlfriend in first year medical school with plans to propose, a mother-in-law (ish) I'm pretty close to, and a father-in-law that I'm friendly with but supposedly doesn't quite approve. What's the father like?
  • AlexAlex Alum Member
    23929 karma
    what kind of relationship do you have with your girlfriend's father?
  • Cant Get RightCant Get Right Alum Member Sage 🍌
    27317 karma
    Well first off, congrats!

    I think the others have given great input already. In any case, I'm glad you've made the distinction between asking for blessing and asking for permission if she doesn't want you to ask for permission. That's the main thing, haha!

    At the end of the day, you do you. If it's something you're wondering if you should do just because it's one of those things that maybe(?) you're supposed to do, then I'd pass on it personally. But if you feel it would be a sincere and meaningful gesture, then that sounds like a wonderful thing.
  • combsnicombsni Member
    652 karma
    Thanks guys! @"Wind-Up Bird" to answer your question, her father is old school through and through. @"Alex Divine" to answer your question, it's not what I would like it to be. He helped us move in together a year and a half ago so that's a plus but he's a really hard guy to talk to. He is also a control freak and those kind of people are incredibly aggravating. @"Cant Get Right" I definitely think it is a very important distinction. I would like him to know that I am proposing ahead of time but he is also not her owner and we aren't going to exchange farm animals in any of this. In short, I want him to feel respected but I want to convey that I am only telling him as a courtesy and not seeking approval.
  • SamiSami Alum Member Sage 7Sage Tutor
    edited January 2017 10721 karma
    This is super cute! Congratulations!

    She will love you no matter what you end up doing :) Just follow your heart ❤.

    Best of luck! Keep us updated ;)
  • tams2018tams2018 Alum Member
    727 karma
    considering the drama that can occur among family regarding weddings and engagements, give her parents the heads up.
  • WalliumsWalliums Legacy Member
    373 karma
    Having been here (but been the proposee), I think it depends on your girlfriend. Is it something you think that she will want? Personally I didn't care, and honestly I can't remember if my spouse asked my parents or just gave them a heads up that it was happening. I will say that, if you plan to have any kind of family gathering post-engagement, you need to let her parents know so that they have an opportunity to come. We live across the country from my parents, and my spouse didn't explicitly invite them to the engagement (because he didn't think they would fly in for it since my mom hates flying) and there was this massive kerfluffle with them following it.
  • allie.vandineallie.vandine Member
    57 karma
    Couldn't hurt to do a lunch with both parents and just let them know what you plan to do and underscore that you wanted to bring them in on the plan as a way to start building this new family! Congratulations!
  • Seamus ODriscollSeamus ODriscoll Legacy Member
    97 karma
    This thread has made my day. I cannot thank you all enough. best advice (listed) was from allie.v
  • jknaufjknauf Alum Member
    1741 karma
    I think it all depends on your relationship with the father.

    I'm going to agree with your girlfriend here. Don't ask for permission. TELL the man you are proposing to his daughter, and his support would be appreciated. You're the man here and you're moving forward with a decision with or without his permission.

    Good luck to you!
  • DEC_LSATDEC_LSAT Alum Member
    760 karma
    @DumbHollywoodActor said:
    If you're gonna do it, make sure you ask the mom too. Because equality.
    YES THANK YOU!
  • combsnicombsni Member
    652 karma
    Thanks guys!
  • allie.vandineallie.vandine Member
    57 karma
    Glad I could help, @"Seamus ODriscoll" !
  • dennisgerrarddennisgerrard Alum Member
    1639 karma
    Can't waif for your success! good luck.
  • Chipster StudyChipster Study Yearly Member
    edited January 2017 893 karma
    I vote for speaking to her Dad. Not to ask permission but just as a way to manage the start of your relationship like allie.vandine mentioned. It costs you nothing to give a heads up and it may mean a lot to your future father-in-law. Because truth be told, if he is happy your soon-to-be-wife is going to be more happy and relaxed.
  • AlexAlex Alum Member
    23929 karma
    @jknauf said:
    I think it all depends on your relationship with the father.

    I'm going to agree with your girlfriend here. Don't ask for permission. TELL the man you are proposing to his daughter, and his support would be appreciated. You're the man here and you're moving forward with a decision with or without his permission.

    Good luck to you!
    +1 to this and that @"Cant Get Right" said.
  • FSU_27FSU_27 Member
    edited September 2017 22 karma
    Deleted
  • combsnicombsni Member
    652 karma
    Thank you everyone
  • texvd1988texvd1988 Legacy Member
    605 karma
    I just celebrated my one year anniversary a couple of days ago. Congratulations to you and best of luck to you and yours.

    I asked for permission from both the mother and father. My wife's family is Mexican- American and, while not completely into traditions and certain norms, still believe in some form of respect. I do too. The decision for me was extremely easy. I get along really well with both so we had dinner, the father and I had drinks, and I asked with a nice buzz and cigar. I then asked the mother and called it a day.

    Advice to you is to do with what you feel is right. Sure, you are the man now, but why cause unnecessary drama if that is something the parents may want? Bring it up casually during conversations with your soon to be fiance. I did, and if you have a marriage level relationship, that's not really conversation that is off the table. If she thinks her parents won't care, then do you and skip the process. If she thinks they may get hurt by it, ask the parents.

    Either way, she will say yes. No one is stopping you guys. So don't harbor too much time on the parents portion of all of this.
  • desire2learndesire2learn Legacy Member
    1171 karma
    I would advise you to ask and not just tell him your plans. It provides an olive branch toward the future and shows respect. Of course you will still ask even if he decides to say he does not approve but that is on him. Doing your part to offer bridges is honorable regardless of the outcome.
  • westcoastbestcoastwestcoastbestcoast Alum Member
    3788 karma
    Congrats!!
  • combsnicombsni Member
    edited January 2017 652 karma
    @desire2learn the issue with that is my girlfriend explicitly asked me not to ask for permission
  • desire2learndesire2learn Legacy Member
    1171 karma
    Fair enough. Happy wife, happy life. I'm not sure what you mean by ask for information but in general I would not go against the explicitly expressed wishes of your future wife (or she may not be your future wife). Hopefully you will be able to find another way to make her father feel respected. Best of luck to you and congratulations!
  • abby.lu2017abby.lu2017 Alum Member
    112 karma
    To be honest, I'd be super annoyed if my partner asked either of my parents for "blessing" or "permission" :D (And.... she asked you not to. I'd listen to my girlfriend instead of my yes men friends)
  • ScaryGaryScaryGary Alum Member
    17 karma
    Congratulations! Old man talking here. I have a daughter of marrying age and I am also a bit of a control freak. I would strongly recommend that you sit with both parents and ask for their blessing. You don't have to ask for permission necessarily. Just tell them that you want them to know that you're going to ask the question and you'd like their blessing. In the long run, they will trust you more, and whether you realize it or not, you marry the in-laws when you marry the daughter. Good luck!
  • Not Ralph NaderNot Ralph Nader Alum Member Inactive Sage Inactive ⭐
    2098 karma
    @combsni Congrats! Just be prepared to handle the situation in case one her parents said no. I hope this will never happen but just be prepared.
  • newlyadmitted1Lnewlyadmitted1L Legacy Member
    edited December 2019 14 karma

    Nevermind then

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