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For the moms and dads - how will you do it?
LCMama2017
Alum Member
Hey all - I go back and forth on how I will realistically study and get my school work done when I start law school. I have a 7 and 4 year old and sometimes the "guilty mom" feelings creep in. My husband is supportive and said he would help out so long as we cut our budget since I won't be working during school. I just wonder, that even with his help, how much quality time will I really be spending with my kids? Going to school would mean very little to no after-school activities - at least for a little while. Guilt. It may mean someone else doing their homework with them and not me. Guilt. I want to go to law school so bad but is it worth it at the expense of my kids?? The guilt! This sucks.
So, I was wondering how the other moms and dads are doing it or will do it. Any advice or motivation are really appreciated.
Comments
Not a parent but certainly have heard from a bunch who attended law school and made it work. I know a lot of people say the treated law school like a 9-5 job (finals will of course require more time), but I think it's reasonable to assume it's doable.
Also, check out this article I found written by a mother in law school: https://thegirlsguidetolawschool.com/08/law-school-mama-tips-balancing-law-school-family-life-non-traditional-student/
Maybe a college student could babysit or nanny and they could text you updates so you'd still be involved in homework at the times when you were in school? I also know of a parent who took most of the JD courses during the day in a PT program; maybe this is an option as well.
I'll be attending as a single parent. I still plan to keep them in activities, and I usually use that time to catch up on reading or work anyway. I had a pretty demanding job before I cut my hours to go back to school and finish my undergrad, but my kids have almost always done their homework after school at their dayhome and before I pick them up, though we would go through it afterward. I am only one person so I had to learn to back out of things without feeling guilty about doing it, and I really don't feel as though my kids are worse off as a result. I would suggest accepting that other people can be great at helping your kids too, talk with your kids about what you're doing and why, make sure they understand that all they have to do is ask when something is important to them, and be sure to set some things are definitely for family time only (in my house its dinners and sundays with no work, no homework, no devices. As well my kids know they will have my entire focus for performances or sporting competitions, but I might not watch them practice)
@"Alex Divine" thank you for the link! Its perfect and just what I needed.
@lsatplaylist - thanks - my sweet dad has offered to help with the kids. I feel bad saying yes to him as he is older but i know it would help alot.
@Stothentothek - appreciate your feedback. I haven't done much talking to the kids. My oldest knows I'm studying for a big test but he doesn't understand too much yet. I am always so impressed by single parents - thanks so much for chiming in and best of luck to you!
@LCMama2017 My kids are 6 & 7, and it seems they really like to hear about my schooling and my goals and plans, and often times it prompts them to talk about their own goals and how they think they can achieve them! Mostly trust in yourself that you are a good mom, and you will find a way to make it work for your family. I haven't been able to avoid guilt completely but I do my best to make peace with times that feel particularly unbalanced and just work through them as quickly as I can (being done the LSAT now is helpful lol!). Also, keep in mind that however you find a way to manage, it will definitely not make you any less amazing as a parent. You've got this!
I have some of the same concerns as you studying for the LSAT. I used to try and study at night when I got home but my 5yr old didn't like that lol so now I wake up at 5am to study, which gives me about 2 hours until he's up, then I make sure the time we spend together after work is exciting and always entertaining. I think as long as you do spend quality time with them when you can, while explaining to them what you're doing, they will understand. My studying motivates my son to study and learn as much as he can, so its a bonus!
My fiance just left for PA school and she's 4hrs away from us for the next 28 months, which was an incredibly difficult decision but we know its for the best in the long run, and our son has been taking it REALLY well so far. I'm honestly a little shocked how supportive and understanding he is and it think it is because he knows how much she loves it and we prepped him for it for months. You can do it!!
Oh my goodness! Sounds like a lot of change for you guys! Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad that your 5 y.o. is taking the separation well. You sound like a good dad - keep it up. And thank you again. Best of luck to you too!
@Stothentothek Thanks - I think I will start talking more about it with the kids. I think the guilt will always be there - it was there even before the lsat! lol. Great for you that you are done with the lsat! Did you apply for this year already? Good luck getting in!
I copied this from the Study Group post:
And from this post:
As a mom albeit with older children, having the 7Sage community will help as a support system just as it was for @DumbHollywoodActor & @Pacifico to name a few that came before you managing LSAT with infants and young children and then transitioning to law school. You can do it!!
One aspect that I think that is very important is that you and your husband are strong. Fortunately my husband recognized that the LSAT journey is very stressful and full of highs and lows; having his support and understanding has been my rock to keep on pushing for my dream. At least from my perspective, having parents that are committed and supportive of each other will provide a strong foundation that can create a special dynamic when having conversations with your children - loved what @Stothentothek so eloquently said about conversations with her children. One of my daughters picked out my Scrappy Doo avatar and told me to conquer the LSAT!
Guilt and playing "what-ifs" are counterproductive for the confidence the LSAT requires to achieve a score that reflects your ability - Advice from another mama, put your marriage first, care for your children and then put your foot to the pedal in a smart way and don't rush your studies. The stronger you are in the fundamentals, the better PT'er you will be leading to strong scores for your application to Law School!
Hope this helps:)
@twssmith - thank you! It does help. I am all over the place. Its great to have a supportive spouse and thankfully my spouse is supportive also. You are right about the highs and lows - I guess I've been in my lows these past few days
You mentioned confidence being counterproductive - something my husband said last night too and you are both right. I'm taking a few days to focus on my priorities and figure out what I need to get done to achieve this dream.
As far as helping them with homework, couldn't that sort of be done while studying for law school? My mom finished her PhD while we were in elementary school and we all just studied at the same table. When we had a question or finished an assignment she would quickly check it (which took her like a minute because we were in elementary school) and then if there were mistakes she would take a longer break to help us figure out what they were on our own. If you had to literally be watching over their shoulders the whole time, it would be a big time investment, but you don't. After we finished, we would go play and she would keep studying.
This is also all inspiring for them. They get to see what real studying is when they are in elementary school so you better not hear any complaints when they get to high school or college about putting in the time. My twin sister and I both turned out to be pretty solid high school students and I think it is because we always knew from our mom what real studying was.
Anyways, on the net, I think that this will be good for your kids and their education rather than bad. Don't feel guilty.
Hi and thank you! So glad to hear how it worked out for you. If I get in this year my daughter will be in kindergarten and my son in second grade and yes, doing homework together sounds like a great idea. I will definitely consider doing that - and you are right - what better way to instill studying and meeting your goals. Thanks again for chiming in.
This is an area that I am always working on improving. Through reading various resources I have come to the following realizations.
i) Morning for about an hour from when the Kids get up to when the time they go to school
ii) The Hour Kids get home from school and/or any time dropping them off to scheduled activity. This is when they are “bursting” with stories to share from school!
iii) When I am working it is The Hour I get home from work, this is also when they are “bursting with stories to share from school, although once in a while I might sneak mine in!
iv.) The dinner half hour to one hour where discussions can range from critique of the food, embarrassing childhood moments, to…my discussion of LSAT RC passages!
v) The Hour or so leading to bedtime.
Bonus. In addition for weekends, Prime Time includes the couple of Hours usually for scheduled activities as well as activities that I find out about on the actual weekend! i.e. Sports, Trips, etc.
Regular revolving LSAT Prep Hours are.
Weekdays. Early Morning or Late Night, Lunch Hours and scheduled time in between Prime Hours.
Weekends. (I always aim to schedule Prime Time early, so that I can have the Afternoon/Early Evening for LSAT PT/BR)
The Prime events are:
Birthdays,
School activities, (I always aim to attend at least 99.9% of the time)
Anniversaries/Milestones, (Formal such as my actual anniversary date! and informal such as last day of school ice cream)
Holidays,
Scheduled Vacation or "Staycation" (I make sure everyone is involved in the planning)
other prime events include:
meals together, (I try to fit in as many as I can)
Morning waking up routines (These include a lot of negotiations and persuasions on why wake up time is not an hour later)
Bedtime routines that include reading, just talking etc.
My approach to this is not perfection, but rather knowing there is a plan and the kids are in this with me...I could even make the argument that having a lot less total time due to studying for the LSAT could actually lead to an increase in the quality of time I spend with them!
@LCMama2017, What a great experience for your kids to get to spend time with a grandparent and the other way around as well.