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Related Discussions
When do you say "enough, I'm done"
LCMama2017
Alum Member
First - I appreciate all of the awesome uplifting posts about continuing on with re-testing and shooting for the best. I'm def there.
But there is a little, bitty part of me that wonders when will enough be enough. I don't think I'm there yet but yesterday made me think twice. You see, I like to volunteer a lot and I like to participate in my son's school activities. Yesterday morning I volunteered at my church and afterward I met my son at his grammar school for his walk-a-thon. Both of these events took all morning and by the time I got home I was wiped but I felt so satisfied. I didn't even want to study or look at anything LSAT related. And I thought... if I continue with LSAT prep and get into law school I won't have time for my volunteer work or take time off for my son's school activities. When I graduate law school and get a full-time job I def won't be volunteering or going to my son's school. And, well, that got me kinda sad.
I want both - an awesome legal career (and more $$$ hopefully) and the freedom to continue my volunteer work and be able to attend my children's school activities (next year I will have a second kid in school!). I know that it won't be possible to do both, well, maybe once in a while but I doubt too much. So, I'm wondering if anyone has had these kind of thoughts and if there are any former 7Sagers lurking who just ended it all for family/quality time. Would love to hear other stories and your thoughts. Thanks.
Comments
There's been a couple of people that have decided to either postpone or took the test with the intent of not going to school for 3 to 5 years. Remeber scores are good for 5 years and law school will ALWAYS be there. Ive personally delayed a few times for family and personal reasons.
Just remeber the only timeline you're on is your own.
Thank you Stephanie. Time is ticking for me so I don't think I can postpone too much longer. I'm not a youngin' like most of the folk here ; ).
Sounds like a career vs family dilemma. As a vicenarian, I've never had to consider.
The only recommendation I would make is to finish studying for this exam then make your decision. You should be able to study for the exam while fulfilling your other obligations.
Once you've gotten a score you are happy with, then you should consider the implications of both routes. I'm not entirely familiar with the legal profession, but I think there are some more relaxed positions that would not take over your life.
@LCMama2017 I'm not either. People late in their lives go to law school.
It's all about which clock you're keeping time with.
UGH! don't you just hate those moments!?
Yes, for sure I feel like this, and probably more often than I should...
Thoughts...
I honestly gave up just about everything to continue on to law school. My ex-girlfriend and I parted ways because I work full time and afterwork/on weekends, I would opt to study instead of spending time doing family activities. Personally, I think it comes down to a very personal decision. I'm sure I'd feel differently were it a child, but me being in my 20s, young, and excited for a career in law, I decided it would be best for me to give everything I have to law school.
The best advice I have is to think of yourself in 5 years: will you be happy? Are the choices you are making now the ones that will make you happy then?
@LCMama2017 as others have said and I'm sure you know, those are some tough questions and there aren't easy answers. I like @"Alex Divine"'s comment to think about yourself in 5 years. It reminds me of Bill Burnett's TedTalk (and book) about Designing Your Life. You might find Bill's insights helpful to think about as you consider the opportunity costs of your possible paths.
Here's the TedTalk:
I'm one of the head paralegals where I work. While not a lawyer myself, I work alongside them daily. I've seen my boss cry real tears because he was stuck at work while his daughter was performing at a dance recital. That's my most recent example, and it was two weeks ago.
On the regular, I've see vacations get canceled because of hearing dates. On a weekly basis, I see lawyers work long hours due to client's demands, and then have those same clients complain about it.
I'm going to ask you a question that I hope you have asked yourself: are you in love with the law? Notice how I didn't say lawyer. Notice how I didn't say like. I said in love because that's the least you'll need to be as a lawyer. The law is a cruel, unforgiving mistress that will pull you away from your family.
The best lawyers I know didn't go to a T14, but you'd never know it. The best lawyers are the ones so obsessed with the law you'd think they have OCD. One of my favorite quotes from a lawyer I asked about her about her work-life balance was, "My husband is okay with the love affair for now." The love affair was in reference to her dedication her job. Another lawyer told me, and I'm paraphrasing, that his job f-ing sucks but he loves it.
Again, ask yourself if you are in love with the law. Ask yourself how much you will sacrifice for this affair with the law. You don't need to say your answers here, but you have an answer you can live with.
Also, don't worry about age. I know a lawyer who is in his late 40s and graduated from Villanova three or four years ago. Clients thinks he runs the place, despite the fact he's the newest hire.
my son is 2, and I'm not ending it all because I want to be a lawyer.
The LSAT has taken up alot of my time and I know law school will be the same. My son will start school full time, but I am the type of person who needs to have their own thing and their own career. In the end what I'm doing is going to show that I'm a strong mother/woman who can achieve that while he was little.
If you have the opportunity to be a SAHM or you want to go into another field and are having these thoughts I would take a few days, a week, even a month to think about it. It took me over a year (whole time I was pregnant and until my son was around 1) to realize that this is what I want to do. You have another child too, so I would really really take the time to think about it. There are so many career options out there - law is only one of them.
On another note I do plan however to go to as many activities as i can, be involved on the school board etc.
I hope this helps somewhat but it was my own mental process. Good luck!!!!
I completely understand how you feel. My husband and I have decided to start a family and the thought of kiddos combined with LSAT studies and law school sometimes sends me into a mild panic attack ha! But honestly I've realized there is no job that will allow me to 'have it all' except being a stay at home mom and I truly believe the the law is my calling.
With that being said, what first drove you to want to be a lawyer? If that calling and passion makes you feel like it's worth working hard outside the home then you should definitely stick with it. I understand those moments and days that make you second guess why you're doing this. The same happened for me this week. My mom was visiting from Bermuda and I had to spend a lot of time studying instead of hanging out with her which was really hard because she has recently gone into remission from cancer and so time has become very precious to me. So for a second I started to think if law was worth missing family time But I decided to prioritize my time by arranging special events with her and the family around studying so I could do both. So while I didn't get to spend every waking moment with mom, I was able to have genuine family time and stay on top of my studies.
So I really think you have to acknowledge that these moments of guilt or sadness from missing stuff with your kiddos will come and go but if you really want to be a lawyer, try and remember that if it's your calling, you have to stick with it.
Also, while the post above mentioned some real situations that some lawyers face regarding work life balance, I wouldn't let that completely scare you off. I have met lawyers who worked for smaller firms specifically for the work/life balance. They informed me that the flexibility of working for a small practice with smaller case loads was great for their family life and they were able to be with their family as well as have career. I also heard a segment on NPR that as younger lawyers enter the workforce, firms are starting to acknowledge the need for better work/life balance. While this may be the exception to the rule, I do believe if you really want to find a firm that is not a slave driver, you may be able to.
Just for more reference, not all lawyers have those stressful 40+ an hour jobs. Most successful lawyers I know shop at J. Crew for work clothes lol
Agreed!
I would honestly say that staying at home for the first year is a must especially if you plan to breastfeed .. 2 if you can, but that's just my opinion and a lot of mothers I know. I also threw up for the first 15 weeks and was hospitalized - def couldn't study for the LSAT or do anything then.
J crew is expensive lol.
but seriously not trying to scare it's just much much easier on men. PM me if you would like any info about it etc. no one told me how hard it was, and I can't imagine being pregnant/giving birth and having a new born while doing lsat or LS.
I'll tell you the secrets to work-life balance. The first is telling people no. For lawyers, this means caseload. There are some cases you shouldn't take, for whatever reason. This may mean you get less money per year, but you'll get more time with your family. The second is technology. Despite my boss working over 40+ hours a week, he spends about 30 of it in the office. He does a lot of work outside the office. He always has access to the files and work thanks to cloud storage. Whatever he can do at home, he does at home so he can spend time with his wife and two daughters. Sometimes he'll even bring the family into the office for a bit
for free laborI MEAN educating his children about his profession (he's the boss, so he can do whatever he wants lol). The third is having reliable assistants. Passing off whatever work you want onto them means you don't have to do it. You'll have to review it and make corrections, but that's less time than doing it all yourself. Pay for assistants usually comes out of your salary, but it's offset from you getting to do more work.From my observations and experience, the clients are the slave drivers. You could give them the moon and they'll complain the stars didn't come with it. Another slave driver is the courts. When they set a deadline, they seldom change it. You are at their mercy,
and I doubt mercy is a concept to themI MEAN they can be accommodating.Keep those horror stories in mind though. They do happen. Thinking it can never happen to you is a flaw you might see on the LSAT lol.
When we graduate, we have to shop J. Crew Factory* then gradually upgrade to J. Crew regular haha
Thank you all so much. You've all raised really good points and asked questions that I haven't thought of. Really appreciate all the advice and your own personal stories. I'm down with the jcrew shopping after getting my degree!!
lol!!!