Hey everyone,
Before I say anything, I just want to note that I’m not selling any sort of service, so please don’t dm me. I’m just someone who works full-time in a position where I often have to critique essays, and I wanted to give some advice. Here goes:
1) Don’t write like that
One mistake I see a lot of people make is that they try to channel their inner Henry James or Tolstoy. Paragraphs upon paragraphs of flowery, ornamental prose. Please, please, please don’t do that. Few people, especially in their 20s, can write that kind of style well. If you think you can, reconsider.
Don’t get me wrong, I love those authors, but you need to write to your audience. In this case, that audience is a tired AO who’s already read 20 other applications, many of whom are probably trying to do the same thing. These essays can be tedious to read, and often make you sound pretentious. You will get far more mileage from a clear, moderately detailed style than you would from rewriting Gravity’s Rainbow.
2) Be willing to cut
I know, every part of your PS is very important, but knowing when to take Off Yeller out back is a crucial writing skill. I see so many people try to cram the sum of their entire lives into 2-3 pages, and that’s almost certainly not going to be effective. It would be much, much better to just pick a story or two and draw out the details in those. Where were you? How did you feel? What were you thinking?
3) The punchy sentence probably isn’t great
A lot of folks write a sentence that they fall in love with. They think it’s great, they thing it encapsulates their entire message. This is… usually not the case. I find that these sentences come off as dramatic, and sometimes leave me with a feeling of ‘okay, and what else?’ It might sound really noble to talk about how you want to use the power of law to protect the little guy in this grand, sweeping statement, but you’re probably better off using that space to say what you specifically want to do with your career. Do you want to work for a PI organization? Do you want to do administrative law? Mention that.
Take all my words with a grain of salt. I’m not an admissions officer, never have been, but I also wouldn’t say that I’m proposing anything revolutionary. Just remember the words of Kelly Johnson: keep it simple, stupid.
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