Hi all, I need some impartial, non-attorney advice.

I've had my personal statement proofread by 3 individuals (two are attorneys and one is my husband (non-attorney, but works at a law firm) and they love the statement but have trouble with the phrase "civil twilight" at the beginning of my statement.

My PS begins as follows:

"It was the beginning of civil twilight when my eyes opened and without much thought I made a very simple decision. I was barely 16 years old when I walked out and decided that I was never coming back. I recall looking down at the clear vials with different color tops littering the elevator floor worrying about the unlocked door, but not much else. As I disappeared down --------- Avenue on that quiet morning, there was no one to witness the beginning of my metaphorical descent into my life."

One person did not know what it meant and did not bother to look up and wondered why didn't I use just twilight. Another person had to look up and said that if it comes natural then use it, but if I'm using the phrase to sound good, the use "just before dawn" or something like it. The third person said it sounded like I was trying too hard.

The use civil twilight is not unusual to me because I'm a lit major and I read a lot (I mean really read a lot!). I'm tempted to just go with it...but I also don't want to be stubborn about it and not heed advice. I'm also relunctant to change it because it ties in with my last line of my essay: ("However, I have never taken the worn path and I have never minded the possibility of an unruly dusk.")

What do you guys think?