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At the moment I have severe writers block. I can't seem to put my thoughts to paper. I want to lead off with the fact that I grew up in a somewhat broken home with an abusive father and I how I had to overcome that. I wanted to lead off with a statistic but finding these statistics have proven to be difficult. My mind then gravitated towards the idea of using a quote as an attention grabber. I am a huge fan of Stephen King and I found a quote of his that is very intriguing. “Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” I have two different ideas about how I would proceed from there. 1.) I would go into my experiences of my childhood (abuse, etc). 2.) The next line could read "that was certainly true for my father and , in some cases my mother." Let me know what you think!
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20 comments
I am voting not to use the quote.
This is the same I've heard from admissions officers. In my mind, it's risky and not worth the risk. It's hard to let go of something that ties in so nicely, but I think you can write something just as effective.
Hello. I'm going to give you the snobby reaction, but I don't want you to sense any malice on my part. I wish you good luck with your test/applications. It's not easy to do all this and put yourself on display for judgment by strangers with power over your future.
Quote another author when you're discussing his/her thoughts and using their words makes more sense than paraphrasing - either bc it's no quicker to paraphrase or bc you need their exact wording to establish credibility for your claims about what they say.
Never in formal writing should you quote another author bc what they said sounds good. It's just going to look like you're stealing someone else's magic to embellish your own work. It's twice as offensive to use melodramatic sound bites, which have been known to induce vomiting.
I say trust yourself to bring out the depth and drama through your own concise and understated words. If the monsters are going in, better near the end than the beginning.
I wish you the best luck, sincerely.
@marcosmcqueen767 thank you! I'll start off with a memory and try to work the quote in at first and then I will go back to see if I used it in a way that is acceptable, after I'm done with my personal statement
I'm going to join those who are urging caution. It's a great quote and I definitely understand how you're planning to tie it in to your experiences. My concern is that the committee is interested in seeing how well you, and not Stephen King, can write. The quote does demonstrate without a doubt that words have power... unfortunately they're not your words.
It also doesn't tell us anything about you, in and of itself. You can go on to tie it back to yourself, but the quote itself doesn't tell us anything about you or your life experiences. It can't until you give us greater context (which I know you will, but read on).
I've generally seen schools discouraging the use of quotes. I don't consider anything to be an absolute rule and I do believe that there are ways in which a quote can be used well. I'd rather you not use one at all, but will concede that it can, potentially be a part of a well written PS.
What I will try to convince you, however, is that you should not open up with this, or any, quote. I think it's a real missed opportunity to open with words that aren't your own and that do not tell us anything about @combsni116 .
I'd strongly urge you to open with something that is your unique experience. Open with a story or moment that tells us about your unique experience. What's something that you, yourself, experienced in this household. Tell us where you started (stressful environment) and where you finished (your current life).
If you're really tied to the quote, use it after you've introduced us to your life.
Haven't read the other responses yet, but I think a quote would be just fine as a means of an attention grabber.
Personally, I find quotes and intriguing opening statements must more attention grabbing than simply starting off an essay with an introductory paragraph (like any other essay in high school, university, etc).
I started my PS off with this:
*** What started out as an adventure would eventually become much more than that. ***
It documents my experience of obtaining my university degree overseas, in a foreign country. I had only myself to rely on financially (and emotionally for that matter). In my family, money was always tight, and I wanted to prove to myself that this couldn't hold me back from doing what I wanted to do in life.
In my conclusion, I reference back to my opening statement and reflect on how significantly my experience changed me as a person.
Good luck :)
Btw, after briefly skimming other responses, I still say that if the quote has a special meaning to you, then go ahead and run with it. But make sure you reference back to the quote or explain through your "story" why it has significance to YOU in the context of YOUR life.
For added safety, maybe call and check with your specific school choices for their thoughts on the issue.
I think this is a great quote. Stephen King is a brilliant writer and he really said it perfectly here. But that's kind of the issue. As beautiful as that line is, it's Stephen King's line. This is your story. This is your statement. It needs to be told using your words, your framework, your metaphors.
I've read from several sources about writing personal statements that have advised against opening with a quote, or at least proceeding with extreme caution. From what I understand, it's much more likely to induce an eye roll than to serve as an effective hook. I really do love that quote, I'm just not sure about using any quote within the context of a PS.
I distinctly remember both Stanford and Georgetown admissions specifically advising against the use of quotes in personal statements. I think the general consensus is that you shouldn't do it at all. Find another way to incorporate the idea you're trying to convey. Even paraphrasing and crediting Stephen King at some point would be better than outright quoting him in the beginning.
I was thinking about starting my PS with a quote as well...but a quote from myself in the past. Specifically, I wanted to open with me singing Queen's "We Are the Champions" when I was 6 years old in the outfield at a little league game. I would always get into trouble because I'd be singing and staring at the sky instead of paying attention to the game. This would lead into my dedication to music that is at the heart of my PS with something like "I was not meant to be a star athlete". I really want to add some humor into my PS because that's how I write. I'm not sure if that helps you, but you're not alone in wondering if this is an okay thing to do!
That's understandable. Without being overly dramatic, you could open up with a short descriptive sentence that captures a small detail of this feeling.
I think it is hard to say whether or not to use the quote without seeing the entire context of your PS. Are you essentially going to tie in the abuse aspect and explain the quote in the context of sad abuse? I agree with most of what @aidoe339 and @olineali684 said above, but if you're not taking it out, I'm sure you'll find a way to make it work.
Glad to hear you were able to overcome a bad childhood man.
@olineali684 I want them to experience the story that I am telling the way that I felt and lived it. I want their perspective on the essay to change as my perspective on life changed.
@olineali684 @aidoe339 I'm not willing to get rid of the quote but I am open to changing the first sentence
I'm not so sure of this. Think about the impression you're trying to make on the audience - do you want the reader to feel good or bad after going through your PS?
hmm i think it would be wise to flesh out the significance. like i said in my previous statement, this quote may not evoke the same reaction in the reader and might fall flat and it might be perceived as cliche. just a thought.
I was initially thinking the same thing. However, suppose this particular quote was from a book that was the only thing that allowed him to imagine a different reality from the one he was experiencing. Sometimes, all you can do is escape in your head when you live in an abusive household. That's kind of why I was curious to know if this book has any significance to him.
I'm sure it's haunting and dark for you but that quote might not evoke the same reaction in others. I think your story will be sufficient.
@aidoe339 I think he is perfect for this circumstance. I think his quotes are haunting and dark which is important for my personal statement.
i personally don't like the idea of quoting from Stephen King
I grew up in a somewhat broken home with an abusive father and I how I had to overcome that.
I also grew up under similar circumstances, and hope you made it out just fine.
“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” I have two different ideas about how I would proceed from there. 1.) I would go into my experiences of my childhood (abuse, etc). 2.) The next line could read "that was certainly true for my father and , in some cases my mother." Let me know what you think!
I have no idea is this is true, but, I'd be willing to bet that it is not uncommon for people to start off with a quote. If that's the case, it might not be such an attention grabber. Also, and this is just a personal preference, I don't think quotes are aesthetically pleasing as openers. I like to be pithy with my opening sentences. I have a couple ideas for you, but first I'd be curious to know if this particular quote has any meaning to you? Or did you just find it searching the internet?
I wanted to lead off with a statistic but finding these statistics have proven to be difficult.
I don't think a statistic is attention grabbing at all. Besides, you're not a statistic!