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I know what I will have to face, the fear of stress and boredom. This is a journey of a serial procrastinator planning to study and LSAT, Monday to Friday. I tried everything from listening to music while studying, going hard close to deadlines to watching all kinds of motivational videos. I always resort back to my ways of procrastinating. Relapsing again and again. I've had enough.
Day 1
I picked up where I left off. Last time I was on 7sage was in Nov. Work and fear of not perfecting of my studying prevented me from continuing. I studied a good 3 hours today, not bad considering all the stuff I had to do. Voices in my head told me to go back to sleep as I chipped away at the syllabus at 8:30am. They told me to do it later, they told me that it's just too cold in the room right now.
I thought to myself, why don't I take a break and check my email, or look at Facebook. These distractions, which I refer to as screens, are triggers. The pull me to the endless black hole, the Internet. I call it the black hole because once I get sucked in, I can't stop. It is the place I go to escape reality and imagine myself successful, when in reality, I'm at the same job, same house, same city. There is nothing wrong with where I am, but it's not where I want to be. I put my life on hold for many years, but I'm going to reclaim it.
This is my struggle, not with the LSAT, but with myself.
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43 comments
I gave my panic monster a Gotham City set... to keep him occupied... but I've been informed that it will be fully completed on April 12 and he'll be maxing daily visits there after :) haha
Yep! You can do this!
@stepharizona288 yeah, Superman is giving me a hard time. The ratings dropped for our new movie. On a serious note, thanks for your words of encouragement on the daily blogs. The reason I stopped was I got a bit disorganized, and feared I would sound too repetitive during my updates. I think disregard these excuses and try to be move involved now.
@stepharizona288 My panic monster hasn't kicked in for a while now. Every time I feel him coming, I try to suppress him by telling myself "everything is going to be okay."
Day 38
Sorry, I haven't been updating because I thought I would get too repetitive. Ill just try to write whatever comes to mind and not worry about anything, when I can. I'm glad to say that I was consistent with my studying. I can't control how the day turns out, so some days I was only able to study for 30 min, but other days I can go for 2 hours. Taking breaks that don't involve screens (phones, T.V., internet, computer, etc...) has given me the energy and motivation to keep going. I remember one day I decided to sit down and watch Shark Tank, and couldn't bring myself to study and concentrate after, I felt this overwhelming feeling of what I can only describe as anxiety of some sort. I'm no psychologist, but I think I might have been addicted to screens, in an unhealthily escapist kind of way. Anyways, stay strong and don't give up because as a human, you are powerful beyond measure. Just the other day my little cousin thanked me for giving her advice that I learned a few years ago, that "we are our own worst critics." We can be meaner to ourselves than any human can be to us. Sometimes J.Y. talks about how easy a question was during the video explanation, and how everyone "probably got it right." I feel stupid when I get those questions wrong, and my mind starts telling me that "the LSAT is not for you," and "how the hell are you going to get better before the next test date," but I just tell my mind "stop it," and carry on.
Edit: grammer
My procrastination and panic monster joined forces today and figured out how to get my computer screen on my TV (from 2002), enabling me to watch from my recliner or on the treadmill... so now its become "fun" to review videos... YAY!
Hey @tanes25413 I know you've been busy with Superman... but come back, I enjoyed your daily updates!
@jy-ping hilarious and useful at the same time. The second part is Spot on! Love the use of funny unique terms and a storyline. Most important take "Nobody builds a house. They just put one brick after another".
And while we are at it,here is another resource that might be of some help. The table she makes to figure out the root cause is ingenious. http://www.vox.com/2016/3/4/11147432/immunity-to-change
@tanes25413 My pleasure, bud. Keep at it. Believe it or not, this test will eventually become "fun." Well...to an extent.
@msami1010493 Yeah, I should envision where I want to go with a law degree. I feel motivated as I'm reply to you. Thanks.
@jy-ping This comic is great. It was hilariously informing. Thanks.
Day 19
Missed a few days on the blog entry. I was really busy, and by the time I got home, I was way to tired to open my laptop. The good news is I kept up with my studying. 1 hour a day. I sometimes exceed an hour because of how involved I get working away on a lesson. Last week was tough because of how busy I was, but I pushed through, and told myself "at least an hour. It will add up Batman." And, indeed I find myself understanding the material. For me, the LSAT is like working out. While working out, I found that I'm not getting the results I want, even though I am putting in the time. That's when I had to take a step back and think of what I was missing. It was lack of calorie intake. I was working out, but not getting eating enough calories for my muscles to grow. This is the exact way I feel about studying the LSAT right now. Today I felt discouraged because I was getting easy questions wrong, and not progressing at the rate that I want. So, it was time to take a step back, and figure out what I could change or add to my studying method. Normally I would tell myself, "the LSAT is not for you, people can get this stuff, but just not you." This time I told myself "it's time to change it up." Reading my notes a out loud before I begin is what I decided to do. It sounds simple, but I totally overlooked how important it is to reread my notes over and over again, and there's trick to it. All my notes are structured as questions with answers. Reading them out loud everyday will engrain them in my mind. This is how I was able to score A's in many of my courses at college (during my last 2 years of college). I learned this method from a book called How to Become a Straight-A Student: The Unconventional Strategies Real College Students Use to Score High While Studying Less by Cal Newport. I know it sounds lame/corny, but I learned a lot from the author. He has his own blog at http://calnewport.com/.
I'm also a procrastinator. This comic helped me understand and control it better: http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
Keep these entries going!
If you want to imagine the future, do so. Use that to your advantage. Imagine where you'll be 5+ years from now if you bust your butt studying for the LSAT and get into a top school.
Day 14
Every morning, I get up, sit at my desk, and work way on studying the LSAT. I found that I am most productive in the morning, so I will take full advantage of that. There are so many things I want to do, but after weighing my priorities, I found studying the LSAT is most important. My life is slowly piecing together, and fitting my studying schedule. I deal with each problem that stands in the way of efficient and consistent studying. First, it was stress caused from lack of exercise; now I exercise daily for about an hour. Next, it was poor time management, so I made sure to prioritize my responsibilities. Then, it was procrastination due to intimidation; the intimidation stemmed from the constant dreaming of scoring high and getting into the best law school. To deal with this, I cut down my studying to 1 hour a day, and learned how to control my thoughts. Every time I imagined the future, I told myself "stop it," and came back to the present. I am the type that rehearses every conversation, and tries plan out/imagine the future exactly they way I want. Problem is, these are things that I can't control. The future is out of my hands. The best I can do is set a goal, and get ready to go with the flow. The next issue i'm going to deal with is sleep. I sleep too late, and wake up too late, so ill try to adjust my sleep cycle and see how that goes.
@lye1001305 Thanks, I hope people find this motivating. Recording my progress also motivates me.
@sarahfatima The important thing to know is we are not alone. We all have different distractions, but at the end of the day they are distractions, an escape from discomfort. This discomfort can be tied to experiences we had in the past, and/or a self defeating self talk. Don't give up, and keep on trying different ways until you find what works best. Remember, if you slip, don't be hard on yourself. And, if our goals are the same, then I wish you the best of luck, and hope you continue pursuing them.
Day 13
The day started well, studying wise, but could have been better. I woke up late and still wanted to stay in bed longer. The night before, I decided I needed a reward before I slept, because I had done well that day. The reward was to watch King Kong (2005), while I ate a bowl of yogurt and nuts. I was playing on TV, and I thought to myself, "okay, what's wrong with just watching 15 min of this movie, and getting up right when I finish eating." Unfortunately that didn't happen. It was already around 12am, and I ate slower. Even when I finished my bowl, I was hooked to see what happened to that monkey. The worst thing is, I already watched it, and I knew what was going to happen. I don't even like that movie too! So, after 2am I decided, that was enough. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be doing that again. I've been in this territory before. Where I think I had beaten procrastination, but let me guard down and fell back to my old ways. On to the next day.
@tanes25413 Where have you been till now?! I suffer from the same issues. My distractions are different but...Good luck to you my friend ! I am getting back at it as well. It is so exhausting going through the same cycles over and over again but hey giving up is worse. :)
Did i mention our goals are the same as well?! FREAKY.
I'm glad to hear that your studying is going well. Keep it up! :) A lot of people may read this and find it encouraging.
Day 12
The feeling is great. For the first time in my life I am sticking to something. The reason I am sticking to it is because I committed to an hour a day. Woke up this morning to nice fresh air and the sound of cars whizzing by; the window was open, and it was nice and sunny outside. The window is directly to the left of my bed and an arms reach away, it was slightly opened. I had to stop the thought of staying under the covers longer, because I knew that I had to get up. I pulled the covers off, and felt the coldness as something cold and invisible was hugging my body. I reached over to my left to close the window, and felt the soreness of my body from the day before, but it was a good type of pain. Now that I started working out, I sleep better, and sometimes feel a bit sore the next day. I walked straight to my desk, sat down, and opened 7sage. I felt the my fingers touch the keyboard more than I do when starting later in the day. It felt good to start out the day with the most challenging task. The LSAT is not the challenging part, but sticking to studying it is. 45 minutes into doing some exercises, I felt a bit frustrated and wanted to procrastinate on some screens. I would say, I almost relapsed back to my old ways. Before mindlessly clicking on YouTube or email, I leaned back, closed my eyes and asked myself "why do you feel like this?" It was because of my feeling from my past, and the hard time I had in school, which I will elaborate on tomorrow. I continued, because my excuse was unreasonable. I suffered hardship as student in my formative years, but that will not dictate my future. I went on, and I am happy to say, I finished my studying for today.
Edit: Regarding when I said "It was because of my feeling from my past, and the hard time I had in school, which I will elaborate on tomorrow." I don't think it's relevant to elaborate. We all go through problems/issues, and I will not let my problems hold me back from achieve my dreams.
@demisseselassie642, thanks. You're right. I started working out about a month ago, and I feel great.
Day11
I got home late, and it was hard to buckle down and study, but I did it. The irrational part of my brains is telling me, "what your doing is not enough, you're not going to get a high score when you're working this slow." I've been more consistent than ever, and I will build upon my hours soon. Right now, it's time for me to work my way into it. No matter how much I study, I will never feel like I did enough, and that is what prevented me from studying in the first place.
I woke up late, and didn't get out of my bed for a while. That ate up my time, and I didn't have time to finish studying until later that night. My attention was not as sharp. I did my hour of studying without stress. There is always this headache I wake up to. It's annoying, but I ain't sweating it; it could be worst. I've experienced intense anxiety while studying 7 years ago, and it took me many years to overcome it. Now I finally can study, so it's all good. At this point in my life, my score should reflect my level of organization and will power. I expect my score to move up by a lot of points, but I'm not sure how much it will. Like, if I spend 2 years of consistent studying, I imagine I could get a 180, but I don't have that luxury of time. I hope to enter law school in 2017, and write the LSAT in October at the latest. I am open to whatever outcome regarding my future. Studying for the LSAT has really changed my life, and made me a better student. Plus, I can pick up on normal day to day flaws in arguments. But, I'm not the type to argue for no reason anyways.
Exercise. It's good for getting the brain up and running!
Day 10
Like the past few days, I got off to a good start. Working on the LSAT first thing in the morning is when I get the most done. Everyone has their optimal study time, but mine is in the morning. During my 7sage course work today, I found that I didn't get a concept. Instead of procrastinating my time away, I got up, and did something. Screens (T.V., phone, or YouTube) were not an option. I get frustrated and stressed when I don't get something, and once I turn on the screens, my energy gets sucked. I just went and ate a snack, and did the dishes. When I came back, I had a whole new approach and was energized. I am progressing better than before.
When I was younger, especially after high school, I had sleeping issues. I was using melatonin almost every night for more than 5 years. Now that I don't use it anymore, it's sometimes hard for me to sleep soundly. I am getting much better though. Sometimes I wake up with headaches. Advil or Tylenol are not an option for me because I hate using nonnatural stuff. Plus, I don't do anything caffeinated, and hate the taste of anything except water (strange right), so coffee and tea are out of the question. I'm still figuring out ways to wake up better.
Day 9
Time progresses. Not a lot to say, but it was nice scheduling procrastination time. Every night before I sleep, or morning before I do anything, I write down what needs to be done during that day. Today, I literally wrote "procrastination 7pm." on my to do list. Like mentioned in previous posts, I usually schedule worrying time, but I thought to schedule procrastination time, and it worked. Mind you, it was the first time I ever tried it, so I wont jump to any conclusions of success. Incidentally, I felt a faint voice in my head telling me that I was not working hard enough and need to put more time. The voice is getting weaker and weaker each time I silence it. I was actually excited to move on to the next lesson in 7sage, but had to go out. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Day 8
This was another good day. It was short, because I had a lot to do, but I still had time to study for the LSAT. I did however procrastinate a bit right before I started, but I am confident with time, I will stop, or at least cut it down. Today I had thoughts creep into my mind on how there is no point to study for the LSAT, and it's too late. Too late because I am in my late 20s and acquaintances who are younger than me have written, are in law school and/or finished law school and are working. My mind says maybe this is not for you, and your not cut out for this. I told my brain to stop it. I have accepted, that there are negative thought patterns that we just can't change, so instead of trying to change them, I observe that they're there, and ignore them. These negative thoughts stem from problems in our past, and possibly are directly from our upbringing, but it's no ones' fault.
Among a few things, I drew inspirations from this video. I find that I have to actively tell my self to stop it when I start thinking of negative thoughts.
@nicole thanks. I'm in the middle of the 7sage course, and progressing quicker than I did when I studied under stress. Your encouragement motivates me.
Day 7
Today was great and I worked efficiently for about 1 hour and 20 min in total. I did get distracted spending a lot of time on news websites, and reading on Obama's planned visit to Cuba. Mornings is when I work better, so tomorrow I hope to get straight into the LSAT and not waste time. Like I mentioned before, I am planning to study for at least hour a day for the first week, and then up the hours in the coming weeks. When stressed, I am inefficient, and tackling something like the LSAT is not easy for me. Not being stressed helps me comprehend ideas quicker. But, now that I'm relaxed, my mind is trying to find things to worry about. One thing that I learned is to schedule worry time. For example, if I stress about something work related, or an issue in my life, I try to schedule the issue to 7pm. I tell myself that I will sit there and worry about this problem for 15min. But, if I don't remember to take those 15min, next time the problem creeps into my mind, and I try to reschedule it, my brain will be like "nah man, last time you promised you would think about it at 7pm, you lied." That's why it's important to keep promises to ourselves. Of course, if one just broke up with their significant other, or something big happened, it wouldn't be easy to schedule worry time. Time heals in that instance, and we could try to do what we can to study.
I'll go ahead and assume that means you made your way through some LSAT material, which is cause for celebration!
@hazelverdin194, thank you. That means a lot. Sometimes I think I am the only one going through these struggles.
@tanes25413, we can conquer the LSAT together. I think part of it is understanding ourselves a bit better. Haha, and you got me laughing with the "Survivor Premiere" excuse. Sounds like me, except with a movie on TV.
Day 6
I took it slow today. For some reason I feel like I am running out of time, and part of it is that I am comparing myself with others. Like I mentioned before, my friends have their careers started and are married, and one of them is pregnant. Also, my younger brother of two years just finished his bachelors degree in business, and is looking for a job, and I'm still stuck planning to write the LSAT. This makes me feel like I am running out of time, and this adds guilt, which doesn't allow me to study effectively. In addition, my parents don't want me to write the LSAT, and they want me to start working. I'm not letting all that get to me. I chose to do something, and DAMN IT I'll do whatever I need to do TO DO IT! We write our own story! So like I said, I took it slow today. I did an hour of studying and didn't feel intimidated by what I need to accomplish, I just didn't think about the future or my planned LSAT score. One day at a time. Soon I'll build it up to more hours. I learned from reading your comments that if I think about getting a high score and getting into my dream school, I will always feel guilty about not studying enough. The guilt will cause me to procrastinate. Day 6 was a success, and now I shall move forward without looking too forward (if you know what I mean).
Ha! If I didn't know better I would think that I wrote that initial post. I can always find a reason not to study. Tonight is a very legit reason, Survivor premiere, duh! Lol I always "have a headache" as well. There will come a time when you will just push through. I'm actually getting fed up with myself. I can't keep putting this off due to procrastination. I've definitely gotten better. There are times when I will just put the books down and shut down, but there are also random times when I just "feel" like studying. It'll all come together.
@ngir1293288 Hmmm. Interesting.
I'll give it a try when I have my next stress attack. haha.
@hazelverdin194 Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) is a euphoric experience characterized by a static-like tingling sensation on the skin that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine, precipitating relaxation. The sole purpose of ASMR is to relax people.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autonomous_sensory_meridian_response
ASMR videos usually involve one or more of the following things:
• Gentle whispering
• Relaxing hand movements
• Nail tapping/scratching on hard surfaces such as tables
• Brushing sounds
• Etc.
It's like sleep hypnosis in a way. If you focus on the sounds you seriously get tingles, it's weird and inexplicable. I listen to the self-affirmation ones, but there are alot of different kinds.